focus

Dont you hate it when something emotionally painful happens to you and youre think youre getting better just to later find out you arent?

I had this crazy dream last night.  A friend woke me up to tell me that she was coming over to bring me a birthday cake.  "Happy 22nd birthday," she said and began to sing to me.  I had no idea that it was my birthday.  When I checked the calendar, it was actually her birthday.  Even worse, I got a phone call from my boyfriend saying he was going to be out picking up Skyrim and wanted to know what we were doing for my other friends birthday.

Note...our birthdays are not really near each other.

Now confused, I went to check my computer to see what day it was.  Now it was a totally random day.  I checked my wall clock (satellite) and it too gave me another random day AND a different time.  In fact, every source I used for any sort of time or date was different.  I looked outside and low and behold, I wasnt home either.  I was at a beach house with a woodsy area behind it.  All of my stuff was there so Im assuming, I called it home for whatever reason.  It was beautiful, but oddly calm.  The ocean was silent and I noticed there was no other life around me.


A little freaked out, I went to get a drink of water.  I got water from the tap (unusual for me) and it was the best water I have tasted!  Then, it didnt taste so good.  A skull with cross bones appeared on the glass and I began to choke.  I dialed for poison control but kept getting random sounds out of the phone.  I tried to dial for friends but random other strangers were being dialed instead.  I started to give up but began to focus on things in hopes to find some truths.  What day is it?  Once I found the date, I felt a little better.  What time is it?  All of my clocks began to reset and were the same time.  Where am I?  I saw the city I grew up in.  Who am I?


I woke up this morning beyond confused.  What the hell was that all about?  Then I realized that I was extremely tired and couldnt get out of bed.  I was well awake, no longer sleepy, but beyond tired.  Now Im here, thinking if I should call into work again.  I really should go but man Im clearly going nuts just trying to find where the hell I stand in life.  In fact, Im now so crazy that my crazy has leeched into my dreams.  Maybe my dream was right...maybe I just need to sit back and focus or I will drive myself right into my grave.  Even worse, everyone around me might just know Im crazy and I just have to start bottling stuff in.

Really I have a full bottle.  I dont just go spewing stuff.

But then maybe my bottle is full because Im making too much of a big deal about stuff?

I feel bad but I think I need to call into work.