Circles

Im not going to lie...I dropped out of art class because I cannot freehand anything close to a circle. In fact, I cant even freehand an oval or egg. I know Im not alone in this and I know a lot of people cant steady their hands to draw circles, but I really wish that sometimes I could draw something beautiful.

But I seem to do life in circles too...well not really. I have reached a dead end right now and I seem to be spinning in a massive emotional circle and churning up a ton of hate, jealousy, anger, and all of that cool jazz.

When I look sad, Im usually beyond depressed. I absolutely hate it when people ask me whats wrong. I dont like to tell people because it stews up some very painful memories and thoughts that I suppress on the daily basis. Often times, these stew up with whatever is bothering me at the time. Stew is delicious but this stuff will explode in your face. Let me "talk" to you about some stuff and you might end up with a black eye...not intentionally...of course.

In short, I just want to advance somewhere in life. I get to watch all of my friends do exactly what I want to do, and Im supposed to be all jolly about it. Great! Im happy for them but it just reminds me of the fact that Im doing NOTHING.

It only pisses me off more that Im supposed to be all OK with this.

Everyone says that theyre all rushing and its not a big deal. Yes it is a big deal. Some have kids, some married, and just about everyone else is graduating college soon. Sweet. My boyfriend doesnt want kids, Im only getting married to go back to school, and...when that happens I get to go back to a campus where I know nobody. Sweet...its like freshman year all over again.

Everyone keeps saying "be patient." Thanks guys but waiting is why I dont have a place to live and have been bouncing from home to home for about 3 years now. Its the same reason why I cant finish school right now (in fact...they raised prices. If only they would have signed for me to go during high school...but noooo I should have focused on high school where I hardly learned anything.) I dont want to wait, I want to do. Lets get this show on the road.

Besides, most people telling me this are either still waiting for life to fall in place (and are 50+ years old) or get what they want. Maybe running through the hills singing "Sound of Music" isnt such a great idea for me...but at least Id have something I want in life.


Some people see only price tags

The rest of us see dreams and goals we reach for

...Im not one to only see a price tag