The art of being human

Im sure when the slave ant looks to us, they look to us and ask the world why they cant be human?  Being human means making your own decisions and stepping on animals nowhere near as "great" and changing the world.

What the ant doesnt understand is that great power leads to great destruction, not only to the world but oneself.

Im not being pessimistic today...really.  I have been destroying myself lately.  Not physically...just mentally.

I think it is safe to say that most women pull themselves out of their own mental trouble eventually.  I can say that my mind is emotionally scrambled and deteriorating but I will get on a platform and fix it eventually.  That is who I am but until then....

Its the fact that, there was something I had very dear to me, a flower.  It wilted not because of any natural cause but because I, as a human, forced it to.  I didnt want to but the people around me convinced me that it was the best thing to do.  I didnt regret it till now really...now when everyone is getting flowers and all will get to see them bloom.  I feel like I should feel happy especially since one of those flowers belongs to a dear friend of mine.  Deep down inside, I am happy ecstatic for her!  But on top of all that happiness is jealousy.

I have been a sour person to her in some points of life.  I have always been jealous to be honest.  Im not as sincere, nice, pretty or smart which turned into me not being as laid back as I used to be...


...as laid back as her....


But dear world, I have never tried to be like her honestly.  It is a mere coincidence that we like a lot of the same things.  I can safely say that I love many things that she hates and were ok with that.  After all, were two different people!
Who am I to make the flowers of life wait for me when they have nothing to do with me?  It isnt really her.  In fact, I think that I can easily say this is jealousy overload.  EVERYONE around me is doing it...except me.  Heck I even get to watch as another best friend pair does it together.
I hate the fact that I can be so honest with myself about things like this.

Dearest loving friend you know who you are.  I cant say this to your face because...well youve known me long enough to know how that goes.  Im sorry for all those horrible things I have done and I truly am happy for you guys.  I hope all goes well.


and that is truly from the bottom of my heart?



Whew that feels better.  

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Stuck

"Youre in such a hurry to grow up"

That is what he said to me today.  Lets go back in time though.

When I was in high school, I wanted to just get out.  In fact, I wanted to move to the bumfuck middle of nowhere or at least a place surrounded by nature.  I wanted to see trees, creeks, or plains when I looked out my window, not houses.  I wanted a koi pond and an altar outside.  I wanted children and a husband and to be free.  I wanted...security.

Now lets go forward.  I want to get out and move to the bumfuck middle of nowhere...well somewhere in the forest.  I want to see trees when I look out my window, not houses.  I want a koi pond that surrounds my altar outside.  I want children and to be with this guy I love so much forever and to be...free.

Wait...same thing is it not?

So maybe it isnt so much that Im in a hurry to grow up, just in a hurry to finish a dream I have carried with me for over four years and havent even started on.  I know that Im jealous of all of my friends with children...they made it work.  Hell the best friend I have in the previous post is a babysitter...and that is it.  I have a job and likely make double (if not triple) of what she does.  But theyre making it work!

again...happy for her...just jealous. 

It really didnt help since it was something I wanted but got back on the pill to make him feel better.  That is ok though because now I am doing stuff for me.  I need to start living this dream I had when I was a teenager.  Clearly it was more than some little phase.  No, I want need this serenity.  I havent had a place of my own to just chill in years.  It is clearly not that I want to grow up too fast but rather Im just stuck being a jealous teenager even at the age of 21.  I hate him sometimes...I really do.

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Richard Trenton Chase why you should research where you live if youre paranoid

Why you should always check out the history of a place youre going to move...if you dwell on the past.

Chase is a vampire, cannibal, homicidal dude that was...well crazy.

What got me interested in this guy was the fact that he attended American River College where I go.

From Wiki (cause Im lazy)

Richard Trenton Chase (May 23, 1950 – December 26, 1980) was an American serial killer who killed six people in the span of a month in Sacramento, California. He was nicknamed "The Vampire of Sacramento" because he drank his victims blood and cannibalized their remains. He did this as part of a delusion that he needed to prevent Nazis from turning his blood into powder via poison they had planted beneath his soap dish.

You can find a million things on him. Whats interesting? We (we being a friend and I...mostly her) found where he lived.

The book (The Dracula Killer by Lt. Ray Biondi and Walt Hecox) does not give a specific address of his apartment but does give a pretty clear description. His apartment was on Watt Avenue, apartment 15 one block east of 2909 Burnece Street.

*non wiki source*

Well later on the page said what apartments but we found them ourselves.

Ok Ok...which apartments you ask?

Country Club Apartment homes.

2928 Watt Ave

Sacramento, CA

please do not spam them. Giving out all this info is probably illegal. Besides, its not their fault and by the looks of it, they have remodeled.

Its almost like my old friends house. Someone was shot and killed in there. They didnt mind. In fact they found the bullet hole and just hung a picture over it (you know who you are)

Also means that you shouldnt go mapping the addresses of the homes of his victims either.

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please enjoy the party while your music is being reached

So today...fail day II

Thim went to pick me up from Adams house...and FAILED like WTF.
dsf7jnybgfre4tyhjmukjnhb6g5vcf4

XD

So we were riding to school with ging-ah, yacob, and thim driving...and the radio was talking about this dude. When they called him back it said "please enjoy the music while your party is being reached" and the first thing I did was sing "GIVE INTO THE NIIIGHT"

thats adams callback tone. I call him too much XD

then while I was trying to explain it to people I said "please enjoy the party while your music is being reached"

lol

And Im totally wearing adams pants and socks cause mine are soaked.

and its 8:05 AM...so were not even done failing today.

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you know someones new when

Dont you hate it when a book or something youre reading starts with something then they cut to something else without finishing the sentence?  

=]

Anyway so I got at my stop at 6:40 today to catch bus one that comes around at 6:50.  Why?  Because theres this really retarded Christian girl who talks to me and is usually on the 7:05.  I dont hate her...she hasnt done anything wrong to me or has physically hurt anyone (although she does make a lot of fat jokes toward this other girl who I think is retarded...but a little less).  Both think its their way or no way (sorry no highway)...youre stupid and its wrong...its just the bigger one doesnt live it and preach it to the entire planet...nor does she take the bus.  Besides were friends likely due to familiarity...we go back to 2nd grade.

7:15...class in 15 minutes.  Nobody is here.  Why am I the only one who took early classes on Tuesday and Thursday?  FML.  Im the only one that took late classes too huh?  I wish people were here.  I have the table that everyone likes by the tree =]

Oh yeah and what I was originally talking about.  You know you have a bus driver thats new when he doesnt quite know the route.  Bus 1 (like 93 and a few other buses) has some shitty stops.  Im referring to the Myrtle stop going McClellan bound.  Yeah its hidden under some trees and cars parked around it.  I was sitting down and went flying forward.  Prior to that, we were going down Auburn and we totally almost missed the turn at College Oak...as in we were all the way in the right lane and he just kinda moved over at the last minute...blocking traffic (good thing their light stayed red to go straight).  I feel really bad for this guy...they should at least give new people a map or GPS.

So Im thinking Im allergic to Herbal Essence hair stuff.  I used it for about a week (not even fully) and now I have burns on my scalp and neck.  It could be that or this gel I havent used since I was little...but Im doubting it was the gel since I dont recall having burns from it...or even a mix of the two.  Either way Im going gel free for a while till my head recovers.  

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5 reasons why being homosexual is great

This blog will explain some great pros to being homosexual (for both men and women). Im not saying you should become homosexual, just taking some note.

So lets start with women. Why is it great to be a lesbian.

1) no crunchy towels - if you live in a house with a bunch of stupid men, you have probably encountered this once.

2) no facial shavings all over the sink - really guys...really

3) 90% of misses during urination eliminated - 90% cause I know some of you women still fail

4) Similar feelings - men can seem distant...cant they.

5) no accidental pregnancies - cause when youre a female you cant run from them without paying.

Now for men

1) no more bloody laundry or trash - man those nasty females

2) You dont have to run from crazy bitches cause of an accidental kid - damn those bitches

3) 90% of drain clogs are eliminated - unless you are dudes with long hair

4) same feelings - cause those damn women are from Venus

5) less or more private time - go ahead, pee with the door open

with that said...i have tumblr.

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