as coy as a fish

Not really...

Let me tell you something world...I LIKE GIRLS. I do. I mean not only girls (hence why I have a boyfriend) but yeah before him, I hit on waay more girls than guys. There is a good friend of mine. She is pretty (not bi or lesbian) but one thing I cannot stand about her is she makes decisions that get her into trouble and drinks...a lot. Tipsy every week at least is too much for me. I severely worry about all of my friends that drink. Even if I were totally into her, these two things (ESPECIALLY the drinking) would turn me off in a heartbeat.

So let me tell you about this girl. First she sleeps with a slut...a guy that practically sticks it in everything. Well whatever. Today she told me that she went to a party last weekend and made out with four people, one being the girlfriend of the guy she was fooling with. Seeing as there were speaks of a small porno with this girlfriend being in a lesbo scene, that didnt shock me one bit. What made me give a yuck face was the fact it was like an achievement to make out with four people in one night!

just my opinion...that isnt cool unless youre in an organized foursome/orgy.

But I still love her. BFF for life I guess.

Anyway...something I think is interesting.People hate on goldfish as pond fish because they poop a lot. Koi, however, are seen as beautiful pond fish that are never hated on. A bit racist I think. Koi will destroy your pond plants, goldfish wont. The only differences between the two? Koi is a pretty common carp while goldfish are pretty much a domestic carp. They are cheaper and most pond fish will grow only about a foot smaller than those koi things. Buut most people till see koi as better. This is a picture of my favorite type of goldfish called Shubunkin goldfish.

This is my favorite type of Koi which goes by butterfly koi (but also sometimes dragon koi or American koi)

Both start out around the same price and end up around the same price when theyre large. Both have long flowing fins. Difference? One will bond with you like a dog (koi) and the other wont destroy your pond plants.

I want my goldfish to be near my outdoor altar (whenever that happens.) I guess it is good goldfish arent as friendly because the last thing I want is to draw too many visitors to my private space. Koi? I might get those when I have children so we can enjoy the pond as a family. Call me backasswards but that means my goldfish will be my prized fish.

But what is prized shouldnt be based on race now should it?

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The art of being human

Im sure when the slave ant looks to us, they look to us and ask the world why they cant be human?  Being human means making your own decisions and stepping on animals nowhere near as "great" and changing the world.

What the ant doesnt understand is that great power leads to great destruction, not only to the world but oneself.

Im not being pessimistic today...really.  I have been destroying myself lately.  Not physically...just mentally.

I think it is safe to say that most women pull themselves out of their own mental trouble eventually.  I can say that my mind is emotionally scrambled and deteriorating but I will get on a platform and fix it eventually.  That is who I am but until then....

Its the fact that, there was something I had very dear to me, a flower.  It wilted not because of any natural cause but because I, as a human, forced it to.  I didnt want to but the people around me convinced me that it was the best thing to do.  I didnt regret it till now really...now when everyone is getting flowers and all will get to see them bloom.  I feel like I should feel happy especially since one of those flowers belongs to a dear friend of mine.  Deep down inside, I am happy ecstatic for her!  But on top of all that happiness is jealousy.

I have been a sour person to her in some points of life.  I have always been jealous to be honest.  Im not as sincere, nice, pretty or smart which turned into me not being as laid back as I used to be...


...as laid back as her....


But dear world, I have never tried to be like her honestly.  It is a mere coincidence that we like a lot of the same things.  I can safely say that I love many things that she hates and were ok with that.  After all, were two different people!
Who am I to make the flowers of life wait for me when they have nothing to do with me?  It isnt really her.  In fact, I think that I can easily say this is jealousy overload.  EVERYONE around me is doing it...except me.  Heck I even get to watch as another best friend pair does it together.
I hate the fact that I can be so honest with myself about things like this.

Dearest loving friend you know who you are.  I cant say this to your face because...well youve known me long enough to know how that goes.  Im sorry for all those horrible things I have done and I truly am happy for you guys.  I hope all goes well.


and that is truly from the bottom of my heart?



Whew that feels better.  

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A Life Changing Event

...didnt happen to me at all.

I must say...the best thing about web logs is that you get to read about what is on a strangers mind. Often times, this includes full details and such which makes it more interesting. This can encourage people to be brave or to let go...like it is doing me now.

Im unhappy world. Im unhappy that I live within city limits (something I cant fix for a while) in a teeny place (something I can fix in the near future) in complete chaos and no game plan (something I can bitch about now.) I have always lived in the suburbs but have taken about 100 steps backwards when I moved from an unincorporated county to these city limits...where the same problems are but many rules arent followed (example...in county you will get a fine for "watering the sidewalk" but in the city which is also part of the same county facing the same water problems, you can help that sidewalk grow big and strong by watering it at noon in the middle of summer with no discouragement.)

I do like the fact I can hear lots of birds chirping at least but not without the gentle sounds of automobiles in the background...

But this is home for now...unfortunately. I have decided finally to say "hi there fuck you Im doing what I want."

This isnt like me...I usually sort of listen to what people say and take their thoughts into consideration. Im tired of being told no.

no you cant do gymnastics (youre too fat)
no you cant have a dog (because I said so...dont care if they kill it)
no dont get that soap (because I dont like how it doesnt smell like ____ when it comes out of the wash)
no I wont spend $$ for horse riding lessons (your sister needs $$$$ for modeling that she probably wont stick with)
no you cant do girl scouts with your friends (because my friend is a troop leader *places me in with a bunch of strangers*)
no you cant do martial arts (Youre a girl and must do scouts)
no dont get that milk
no this
no that
no
no
NO

But of course it is a total mystery to everyone why I have a problem now with being told no I cant do blah blah blah. Yeah I fight it and fight it hard.

I will be starting my life turn around probably next month when I start a nursery for some of the plants I have wanted forever. A bunch of it is food (I have absolutely no experience growing veggies but have a green thumb otherwise) but a few of them are just things I like (including but not limited to a Douglas fir, California oak, and a Korean maple.) I have considered just packing up and leaving in the night because Im truly tired of that wonderful word no (as well as sorry...dont say sorry unless youre going to fix or compensate fully for whatever you did. Then dont do it again.) I will probably lie to a few people to get an apartment but hey, I promise no harm done. I want to keep my dogs.

Then, Im finishing up school or moving to the country...whichever I have time to do first. Then come the chickens, the pond, the horses, and maybe a pig or a cow but yes some goats.





Im tired of waiting for life to happen. It is clear to me that someone is always gonna say no and just be in the way. Well if someone loves me...truly...they wont say no without reason anymore...they will just come for the ride.

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Our Aqua Cycle of Life

So much has been written about AP and the cycling of systems and understandably so. This is the one thing we must get right. Every person having a go at AP has to come to terms with the cycle, the size of the pond, the amount (and size) of the fish, the quality, type and amount of the fish food provided, the water quality and quantity and the cubic area being used in grow bed production and how all of this fits together.

Of course if we read a lot of whats on the www, you are sort of led to believe that just about any combination will be OK provided the water quality is OK. Well this not true. There is a vast difference between what is acceptable and what will bring really great results over an ongoing system life, which after all is what each of us should be aiming for.

So I thought I should get some sites that give a better indication of what is the safe path to follow.

We need to be aware that despite what some people claim and there are many great stories around with claims of success after success but not too many people are prepared to include figures showing fish losses,  or other problems that have arisen that would help others to get through the tough times as they learn the craft.

So we are going to dedicate some effort into searching for figures that could be of help.

However while we are doing this, we shall continue to provide as much associated info as possible with each issue. Like Now......

http://sowingseedswithchristinemilne.wordpress.com/2010/06/11/worms-fish-and-the-greenest-veggies/
http://food.1tt.net/?p=1336

...and heres Afnan again with an Update

An A/P Blog coming from Vancouver

Cant forget Christie from this Site

Or this DIY special on greenhouses

Another Greenhouse design - well why not....

There are several places on FaceBook as well


Finally, a video on a home A/P system


OK Have fun with these and well be back real soon.


Oh by the way you can contact me at aquaponics@gardener.com

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Life by the Books

My sophomore year of high school, I realized that I liked school...but HATED it.  It is a joke.  It is a place to hang out with friends, get picked on, and, in most cases, deal with teachers that are terrible or just tired of dealing with you.  Yes there are some schools that are absolutely wonderful and some teachers are awesome but in general...public schooling is a gamble.

Sophomore year, I told my mom that I wanted to go through independent study and start on college on the side or a catholic school (mind you Im pagan) but I didnt want to go through with public school one bit.  When I found out my college courses would be free (and my mom did some really stupid things and made some really beyond stupid mistakes) I went nuts.  I didnt talk to my dad and completely flipped out at my mom.  Why not look at alternatives to get me ahead?  They dont cost more with he exception of private school!  Why do you hate me??

In the end, it did cost me more to finish public school.  We were forced to buy a cap and gown or we wouldnt walk (and we were not allowed to rent or buy used.)  Those didnt come cheap...around $70 for the entire get up.  All of those college classes I could have taken for free were now no less than $75 (not including books and supplies.) The class I need the most was free...now is $175 without supplies at a community college.  Financial aid?  If only the government went by my wages alone instead of my wages plus my parents.  I do not live with them and they do not support me in any way, shape, or form.  I dont qualify for any waivers or grants.

Of course they wanted me to do the whole go through high school, college, get married, have kids, buy a house, blah blah blah.  I have never been that kind of person.  I have always preferred slaving over something I love instead of simply working on something I hate.  Id rather get up at 2 in the morning and shovel horse poo and do farm chores for 12 hours in the middle of summer than work 4 hours in a deli like I do now.  So it shouldnt come as a surprise when I suddenly disappear off the face of this planet...not literally of course.


I have always had my mind set on a county home.  I was checking out some properties with lots of land (to frolic and garden in of course) but no house.  I know by moving, Im probably going to put myself in some sort of debt.  Oh well...at least I will be mentally happy and with only monetary worry which is something I dont have now.  Of course now I worry about where to lay my head because of psychotic landlords (I must be a psychotic landlord magnet.)  Have kids?  Of course but Id much rather home school.
Anyway.  I have always been the forest type person.  Well I found the perfect plot somewhere (yeah I forgot where it was) that keeps coming back to mind.  One side is wooded with a creek nearby but the other side has a field that blooms with wildflowers in the spring.  At certain spots, you can see the city lights at night.
The more I stress here, the more country I get.  Just last week, I told myself the only "farm" animals Id want were chickens (and dogs and cats but you see those just as much in the city.)  Now that I think about it...Im very much considering some cows and/or some goats.  I dont care for pork so no pigs.  It wouldnt break the bank to just buy butchered pork at the store when I want some.

So...there ya have it.  Im just not cut out for that whole planned life.  Id like to just chill and take life how it comes...smell the sweet air of not-the-city.  Wish folks would just let me be.

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sudo reboot

If only things were that easy...to just...start over.

Yesterday, something interesting happened.  A supervisor on break came up to me while I was waiting for a ride home and asked me if I was the only one that pulls the chickens from the sales floor at closing time.  I told her no...with a rather confused look on my face.  It turns out Im the only associate that does it on the regular basis.  She is the one that turns the hot island off and pulls chickens.  I thought that was rather interesting...she told me Im the only one that not only pulls them, but the only one that cleans the island as well.

?but Im the worst associate there?

I called in today.  Something about being yelled at constantly at work and then coming home to more yelling just got to me.  Oh and Im moving...nowhere great at all.  Nope...out of a shed and into a garage.  At the same time, work has been hounding me for no reason...cutting my hours but expecting more.  While Id like to just say "Fuck em," truth is I want some stability.

At the same time, I feel like I have just fell backwards in life.  Yeah before I was just going nowhere...well I feel like I have gone somewhere, just backwards.  Sort of like when youre climbing a mountain and think "man Im not getting anywhere" but then realize that you are...youre falling backwards.  I do want kids and I do want a permanent place to call my own and it has come to my attention that there will never be a perfect time.  Life will always fucking suck for one reason or another.  It wont be all glitter and ponies till it is too late.

Let me be honest with myself.  I dont want to get out of bed in the morning but I dont want to stay.  I dont want to wake up but I have nightmares and dont want to sleep.  I dont want to do...anything.  I stayed home today because I couldnt stop crying when I woke up.  I simply wanted to go back to sleep and never wake up again.  But I was dragged out of bed anyway.  I watched my boyfriend and his dad put up a shed...and I thought....

• Something about looking out windows makes me happy
• Something about being outside makes me more happy
• Something about being outside in the country (even if its flat country not too far from the city) makes me joyous 
• Something about being in the wilder country makes me ecstatic

So I felt a little better for a good while...but not temporarily like I do when I eat chocolate or ice cream.  It made me slightly happier than I was.  I thought about having chickens and goats and cows...tons of dogs and such.  Happiness is somewhere.  I cant wait.  At the same time I dont feel like I can make it.  I might hate my life and myself.

You know what...fuck work.  Fuck the man mostly.  Fuck waiting for everyone else.  I will run away if I have to.  And if I die, at least I was in the pursuit of happiness.  I wasnt falling backwards or running in circles.  Fuck everyone holding me back saying "oh thats stupid."  Fuck em...they didnt even get where they wanted to go.  Why?  Because they didnt take chances and just gave in eventually.  Fuck em.  Im no tamable spirit.

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A peek into my life

Rarely do I take personal pictures for the simple fact...there are too many stalkers!

Anyway, I wanted to go to the river but was too busy today.  So, I adventured further into my backyard.  The best part about living in an old suburban area is that many of the homes have large yards.  That is one thing I will miss about this place till I move into the vast wilderness....

I know for sure that someday, my backyard will be all wilderness and my dogs will have much more than a large yard to run in.  They will have an outdoor oasis where everyday is a new adventure...no leash required!

I think Luna likes this idea.

but until then, its just all leashed adventures and whatever we find in the yard.  Mostly butterflies, dragonflies, the occasional mouse, and bird poop....lots and lots of bird poop.

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One Life Over Another

I have a problem with people

This seems to be the case clearly but this post isnt about a stupid boy or just specific people.  It is about a mindset.  People are selfish which is clear.
Lets start with Pro-Life because I know that will get people all angry anyway.  What is my issue with Pro-life?  I can tell you many people that are pro-life

• eat meat (and dont buy it locally) and/or locally grown eggs
• dont stand up for animal shelters (or even help them)
• cant walk in someone elses shoes

and while there are many other things, lets try to keep this blog "short" as possible.  I wont even touch stem cell research.

I dont understand people that are pro-life that think its ok to take the life of another animal.  Why?  Because it wasnt human?  What makes humans so great?  You can say it is for nourishment but what about veal?  It could have grown up but instead, we slaughtered it young.  On top of that, large scale meat farms abuse their animals.  Oh but thats ok because they arent human.  Who cares what hell a life must face?  It isnt human!  Farm fresh eggs are often fertilized by the way.  

Now what do shelters have to do with this?  In my county shelter (which is not high volume), there are at least 200 animals put to death for not being wanted.  Animals that come in and are early in their pregnancy often receive abortions.  Of course this is ok because they arent human.  Shelters do this because there arent enough homes.  Many human kids grow up in foster care or in an orphanage because there arent enough homes.  Of course, if people werent so pressured to have them....

Im not saying all of their parents should have aborted them.  I respect religions and all that but I DO NOT RESPECT PEOPLE THAT PUSH THEIR BELIEFS ONTO OTHERS.

A baby is a terrible punishment for someone that was careless.  Why?  Because it is likely the mother will either put it up for adoption (not getting her "punishment" at all) or never take care of the kid (and the kid is the one being punished.)  How many pro-life people have actually sat down and talked to people that were adopted/in foster care/in an orphanage?  Im "lucky" enough to have known my fair share.  I rarely hear good things about foster care (except that there are some good families) but have heard some goods and bads about adoption.  Not everyone adopting is doing it for the right reason.  Same with orphans.  "why wasnt I good enough to be adopted?"  Of course it isnt them, just most people have some funky suspicions about adopting older kids.  But the self esteem issues are the same in all of them whether the issue is big or teeny, or if the person is happy-go-lucky or not.

Now my other least favorite group - Vegetarians!

Ok so not all of em are bad.  My main issue with vegetarians isnt so much their diet but the why.  Why are they vegetarians?  I have a real big problem with the ones that do it for animal rights mostly because theyre so picky about what they eat.  Some eat fish, some eat poultry....some eat anything that isnt a mammal.  So what makes a mammal better than a fish or a bird?  

My hate for vegans is the same.  Again only the animal rights ones.  It is one thing to do it because animals are being hurt but avoiding all animal products...well...

• I never considered haircuts cruel so I guess that is my problem with vegans against wool.  
• Milk ducts can become swollen and painful.  Best to milk that cow/goat.
• birds will lay eggs whether you like it or not.  Many are not fertile unless you buy specific fertilized eggs.

And last but not least...religious haters!

Again I have no problem with religion...just those evil bastards that throw the bible at everyone and tell them theyre going to hell.  Newsflash, modern day interpretations of the bible are often wrong...so wrong that it has warped what the bible says and/or why it says it.  Lets take gays.  I cant say I love gays or hate them.  Why?  Well gosh darn it theyre people and some people I like and others, not so much.
I have heard a lot of them Christian folk say gays dont deserve to live.

But that fetus does....

So lets say a woman doesnt have an abortion because the bible says its wrong BUT the kid grows up to be gay.

Now it doesnt deserve to LIVE!!!!

A little info on religious books.  Back then, people were few.  People didnt have technology to save them from things like cancer and all that fun stuff.  When things like the flu swept through towns, it took out everyone but those strong enough to survive (AKA genetically strong enough to hold on.)  When God said dont waste your seed, it wasnt because he was not into gays or masturbation, but because there were some lack of babies being born.  However Im sure many people thought this was stupid at the time.  Back in those days, gay sex and masturbation were common because labor could easily kill your wife.  Herbal abortions were used for the same reason.  Were they common?  Nobody knows because it wasnt spoken of much.  Also just as a random note, virgin Mary wasnt a virgin at all.  Virgin simply meant young lady back in those days.  Today, virgin often means "not used" such as virgin trees (not recycled) or your virgin girlfriend (never had sex.)  The tree and the girlfriend can be as old as they want.  In fact, today virgin is also used with guys (such as 40 year old virgin.)

 

In general, I think we should respect all life.  People ask me why Im pro choice if I think we should respect all life.  In short, because I believe it is best culled before being abondoned.

What I mean is, abortions (unnatural, not miscarriage) is quite common in the animal kingdom, not just with people.  However many animals will just abandon their young when a mother feels that she cannot care for it.  We see this with people as well but make them feel terrible unless they put their child through the system (which is severely broken even in the best first world countries.)  Yeah I disagree with it but I disagree with suffering after birth more and disagree with the broken system/emotional issues even more than that.

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TIME FOR ANOTHER LOOK AT B S F

Its been a while since we put some information up here about the value of Black Soldier Fly. There is so much they offer us in helping a sustainable community lifestyle. So here is some reading for you. Please enjoy....

Soldier fly maggots and their adult counterparts pose no threat and are quite beneficial to your compost bin. Adults do not carry diseases as

...and the next one goes......

Here are some points he shared in his email:

• Black Soldier Fly larvae look like maggots, off-white in colour with a segmented body (each segment looks like a ring)
• BSFs are beneficial insects – they are

And another.....

We love this system, because with it you can compost all food scraps from your household

Now that should keep you reading for quite a while..... Good Luck
See you soon
Bruce

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Degrading

Have I told you lately that I think people are stupid?

Not all people.  I could easily classify my dearest loving dog as stupid as well (seeing as he is now sick because he took off in the rain...and decided to stand in the rain the entire 2 hours he was missing.)  BUT it doesnt mean all dogs are stupid now does it?  It also doesnt mean he is stupid...just in that sort of way.  Before starting this blog, Id like to note that I dont see myself as perfect.  Im entirely stupid at things as well...mostly math.


Anyway, I was watching a documentary on porn and how degrading it is.  Yes those girls get into it because they want big bucks and what not.  It makes women look like objects and blah blah blah blah.  Truth be told, Im not too hot about porn.  Everyone I have ever been with has been influenced by it in some sort of way.  It can easily turn men into bad sex partners and so on.  Besides, Im totally not into giving in...ever.  Porn is frowned upon mostly by women who believe it is totally not cool.

At the same time, I bet you 99% of these women shop at a supermarket.  Now most things have to be bought at a store but a good portion of things can be bought at specialty markets.  I have learned that you can often find the best things at family owned markets...just ask me about my airsoft guns.  Yeah only one of them is actually sold at a chain store....Back on topic, we know most "associates" are degraded at work.  We feel porn stars are degraded and protest against porn.  We KNOW a lot of workers at stores are degraded but just look the other way.

Oh and dont use the excuse that ya didnt know.  We ALL know aboutWal-Mart.

Let me tell everyone about working at Hell-Mart.  First, you are an object.  You are expected to put out more work than you are paid for (like a computer...you dont pay em but they put out work for you.)

Wait but isnt making someone an object why we hate porn?

aha youre getting it

Dont be silly...EVERYTHING you find in a grocery store could either be made or found at a family owned shop/farmers market that doesnt spit on their employees.  Yes many are hard to find but clearly everyone reading this has some way to access the internet.  Get to searching.  No things like crackers and cheez its often cant be bought (unless its the organic kind) but these really arent that hard to make anyway.  Yes it requires work.  Put down the remote and spend time with family (or by yourself) making some.

What really irritates me is people in rural areas.  Rural areas are rural.  Things arent supposed to be ultra close.  This is why people move out there to begin with.  Moving to the city is not more expensive, just new.  How nice would it be to be able to take public transit places?  It saves on gas....

So before you tell someone about how something is terrible and they shouldnt support it, think.  Are you supporting the same thing with just a different tag?

By the way, the site I stole that anti porn picture from says that porn kills the soul.  Yeah so does working at Hell-Mart.  I have never been so sick in my entire life.  Oh but its ok because the bible isnt against Wal-Mart...I guess....

Id also like to add that women tend to degrade themselves.  This deeply angers me.  I was told by another associate that we have guys to do the work girls cant do.

THE WORK GIRLS CANT DO


Seeing as this isnt a sperm bank, I dont think there is any work that a girl cannot do.  Just saying.

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